I keep asking myself how I got in this funk and so far I have no short answer.
I took some time to write about the events of the last several years and really there was no great tragedy, not one particular thing but an aggregate of events I am perfectly equipped to handle and didn’t. (NO YOU DIDN”T) I feel like such a whiner. (YES) I am trying hard to not beat myself up over this (GOOD LUCK) but that is hard. I am glad I wrote it down so I can acknowledge where I am in my life now but I need to look forward, shake this off and hopefully identify a few ways to prevent a repeat. (BLAH BLAH BLAH) Go me! (YES, GO YOU)
Even though I need to do more and ponder less, my first step to get out of my rut is more pondering. Pondering with a purpose to make an honest assessment of where I am and how I got here. I am pretty sure there are some inspirational quotes that perfectly fit here but I don’t feel like looking. (UM, THE INTERNET, YOU ARE ON IT)
I spent an afternoon in silence with a notebook, a handful of colored pens, letting my thoughts wander and writing down what seemed important. I paced, I played with my kitties, I doodled and I even dusted at one point. (BORING) I wish I could say I had some revelation but every thing that bubbled up, I already knew even if I was doing my best to not acknowledge it.
The purpose of this blog is to help me happily embrace my upcoming 50th birthday and to climb out of the rut I slowly slid into over the last few years. Enough with the pondering, it is time for the action.
Posts will include half-baked thoughts on what it means to be a better person, the not-so-awesomeness that is a healthy lifestyle, and the unexpected joys of aging. Other posts will be slightly embellished tales of spinster’s mundane life as well as a heavy dose of her ever-changing interests and obsessions.
My history with milestone birthdays is full of unnecessary dread and anxiety followed by a shrug on the big day, a realization that all the contrived stress was kind of silly and regret that I didn’t just enjoy myself. This time is going to be different. (FINGERS CROSSED.)
I am writing this for myself, there will be typos, some poor grammar and probably some rambling in need of an editor. (JUST WHAT THE INTERNET NEEDS) Oh well. I’ll live and so will anyone who stops by.
While getting older kind of blows, it is much better than the alternative so I may as well have some fun along the way.